It’s been almost a year since I’ve last seen Rebel. The war was still raging on. I’ve only been able to contact Rebel a few times. And every time he contacted me made me disappointed and sad.
Can’t he see that we’re meant to be together?
We grew up together, we fought with each other, we knew each other inside-out. And, we loved each other. Well, at least I did. I didn’t know if he loved me, although I knew he loved me as a friend.
The whole fact depressed me. Why can’t he just see? Why cant he see my love for him? Why?
He saying that he’s out of the army temporarily raised my spirits. Maybe he might be able to make up his mind while we’re face-to-face! But he immediately crushed it by saying that he’ll stop the war. I had no option but to accept it. It was for the greater good of the whole dragon race. But it still hurt to see him go when I had my hopes so high.
‘I wonder what’s on Rebel’s mind.’ I thought to myself. I missed him. I missed his smile, and his jokes in between his soberness. I missed him beside me.
‘Hey. Thinking about Rebel again?’ Dad asked.
‘Still no answer from him?’
‘Well, don’t press him too much. He’ll make up his mind eventually. He loves you, too. It’s just that he doesn’t know it, or how to interpret his feelings. Give him some time, and I’m pretty sure he’ll say yes as well.’ Dad said.
‘Thanks.’ I replied, but my mood didn’t get better.
‘Look, Seath.’ He’s in the middle of the war. He probably doesn’t have the luxury of thinking thoroughly about it. Just… give him some time. I’m sure he’ll say yes, and you’ll become great mated.’ Dad said with a sigh.
‘Ok… But what if he dies? What if he gets captured by the Northerners? What if he meets another female?’ I said, getting closer to crying. I didn’t want to lose him. I thought I had him for so long. I thought he was mine. And now… I just might lose him, after all these years.
‘That won’t happen. He’s a strong lad. And I’m quite sure he has his mind set on you. So I’m pretty sure he wont meet another female. Now, come. Dinner’s ready.’ Dad said, trying to soothe me.
‘I’ll go soon. Thanks.’ I said.
Dad gave me one last look before going down the stairs and into the kitchen. I sulked for a minute, then followed him down the stairs and had dinner. No fruits again. Oh well. It was war, so it’s much better than starving, but I missed fruits. A lot.
‘So still no answer from Rebel?’ Mom asked whole having dinner.
‘Honey, I just talked to her about it.’ Dad said.
‘Oh. Sorry…’ Mom said, with an apologetic face. ‘Don’t worry, Seath. I’m sure Rebel’ll answer soon.’
‘It’s ok…’ I said, although I was not ok. I was tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of having my hopes high. I didn’t foubt my belief that Rebel loved me, but I was getting tired.
I finished my dinner in silence, and went back up to my room. Thanks to the money Rebel had sent me, I didn’t really have to work. But that meant more thinking of Rebel, and now I was seriously considering if I’ll have to go back to work just to get my thoughts off him.
As I was sulking in my room, my phone rang. I perked up, expecting Rebel. It was. I picked up, and heard his voice through the phone.
‘I found another communication line. How are you?’
‘Sulking. Tired. I just want your answer, Rebel. I don’t want to press you, but I need to know.’ I said barely holding my heart before it shattered to pieces.
‘Seath… I’m sorry… I don’t know… I thought about it on my way to Kalise, and I think I love you too, but what if stuff doesn’t work out? We’ve been friends for years, Seath, and I don’t want to put that in risk. You’re the only one I have left. I don’t want to lose you, too. I’m…I’m sorry, Seath. I love you, but I really don’t want to take the risk. You’re all I have.’
My heart kinda jumped then died down. He said he loved me. He said he loved me. But he doesn’t want to be lovers with me. All because of some stupid friendship that has been going on for years.
‘You have that little faith in both of us?’ I yelled/exclaimed. ‘Really? After all these years you think only a non-working relationship is enough to completely destroy our friendship? Rebel, have some faith! In both of us! And, more importantly, it’s going to work out! You know how others talk about us? To their eyes, we’re already a couple! What you fear, is nothing but your own false imagination!’ I talked into the phone, as calmly as I can at the moment.
There was silence. Then he said: ‘Is that what you think? Cuz if that’s the case, and if we can work it out, then I could say I love you, too.’
There was another silence as we both had nothing to say to each other. Finally, I said: ‘Thank you, Rebel.’
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too. Stay safe.’ I whispered. ‘Good luck. May the gods be with you.’
And with that, the line went dead.
I went to my bed, lied down, and proceeded what just happened. I had finally heard ‘I love you’ from Rebel. This time, he sounded like he meant it. I was happy, but at the same time was not.
What if he dies? What if he gets hurt bad and don’t remember me? What if he gets captured and tortured till he’s mentally unstable?
His mission was risky, turning back on both our and the northerner’s side. I thought long and carefully, and finally came up with a conclusion.
I would help him and start an uproar here as well.