I held my head in my hands. Seath just had a convulsion. Her heartbeats got irregular, and her wings and arms and legs shook. Doctors were called in a hurry, and now I was outside her room, waiting for some news from the doctor.
The door opened, and a group of doctors came out. One of them stopped in front of me.
‘Sir, and Mr. and Mrs. Del.’ He addressed us. ‘I got some good news and some bad news.’
Day and Poiy stood up. ‘Is she better? What caused her convulsion? Is it all over?’ They asked, pouring the doctor with questions. But the doctor kept his calm.
‘We don’t know if it’s over, but we do know the cause. As for her beings, you’ll have to listen to the whole story.’ He said.
‘So tell us then! Tell me!’ Poiy said, grabbing the doctor’s shirt. ‘How is she?!’
‘She suffers from brain damage. I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s something we did not expect or check. And because of her brain damage, her chance of getting up has gone slim to none.’
Poiy looked stunned, then fell to her knees, and tugged on the doctor’s shirt, crying. ‘Please, please help her! Please save her!’ She pleaded, crying. Day looked stunned. He looked distant, seeing nothing.
The world spun around me. So seath might not wake up again. She might have a convulsion again. She probably will be trapped in herself, not being able to do anything.
Because of me.
I stood up, and walked over to Poiy and carefully pulled her back. She cried, and hugged me. Day came and joined as well.
‘I’m sorry.’ I said, to both of them. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry.’
Poiy hugged me harder while Day still looked distant. I silently departed from Day and Poiy and looked at the sky.
The sky looked so clear.
I sighed. But the sigh didn’t help me. There was a giant rock in the base of my heart, and it had no intention of moving.
‘I’ll let you have some personal time.’ I said to Day, and he nodded blindly. While I acted like I was going to let them have some personal time, I was planning to stop the war, but Day and Poiy couldn’t know about it. Not after Seath’s news. I took the elevator, went into the underground parking lot, and started the jeep I got from an army base.
I lit up a cigarette, hoping that it’ll relieve me of some stress.
It didn’t. I sighed and threw away the stud of the cigarette.
‘Might as well stop smoking.’ I thought. ‘It was bad for my health anyways. Guess I’ll have to find another way out.’ And with that, I drove the jeep out of the parking lot, after dumping the left pack of cigarettes in the trash.
Once I was out, I went to a nearby store to get some beer. ‘Maybe this would help.’ I thought. ‘This is natural food, so it’ll probably be better than cigarette anyways.’
I bought a whole pack of them, got out of the store, and climbed into the jeep. I opened a can, and started to drink.
She meant a lot to me. Just the name itself had a huge meaning to me. Friend…lover… it brought back memories. Memories of her laughing, memories of her running to catch me, memories of her scowling at me…
Memories of her.
A tear rolled down my face. I wiped if off. More started to flow. I tried to wipe them down. I couldn’t. There were too much.
-And I may not be able to see her awake again.
I drank. I tried to forget everything. I tried to drown my sorrows.
-And I was the reason for Seath’s suicide attempt.
I popped opened the second can. I drank without stopping and drank it all in one shot. The world started to get a bit blurry. But I could still think straight. I didn’t like it.
-I was the reason.
I popped one more open. I had to escape. I started drinking before I broke down crying on the steering wheel.
‘I’m sorry, Seath… I’m sorry! But why did you do that? You were all I had left! And you try to kill yourself? Why would you do that?’ I shouted, punching the steering wheel. I was in rage. How. How could she even attempt to do such a thing? Why had Seath gone so unreasonable? Why?
I opened yet another can. I simply couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to deal with it. I had no one left, and I didn’t want to accept it.
I drank, and emptied the can.
I opened another. I drank it half way.
I had no one left. No one.
Why was my life such a pain? Why did I have to go through all this pain? What did I do wrong? Shouldn’t I be rewarded instead? I tried to stop the war. I killed over a hundred of corrupt dragons in an attempt to stop the war. But what did I get instead?
All the dead faces lingering inside my head, and the almost confirmed death of my lover and friend, who was the only dragon I had left.
Why did I deserve this?
I drank the rest of the can, then crushed it in my claws. I threw it in the back of the jeep with the rest of the empty cans.
I sighed. I put the gear into drive and started to drive. The world was spinning a bit.
A driver in my back honked. Who the fuck was he to honk at me? I gave the driver a middle claw and continued to drive.
‘Where had all this misery started from?’ I thought.
‘From Seath.’ Another voice in my mind answered.
‘And why had Seath tried to suicide?’ Asked, then answered it myself. ‘Because of me. Because she believed I was dead. So why did she believe I was dead?’ I asked.
‘Because you were shot.’ The voice answered.
I took another can and gulped half of it down. ‘And why was I shot?’
‘Because the soldiers were ordered to.’
‘And the soldiers are related to..?’
‘And what did I try to do with the war?’
‘To stop it.’
‘And what did I get from the war?’ I asked, then thought ‘Misery, Despair, Loss.’ Clenching my teeth.
‘So why did the war start?’ asked the voice inside my head.
‘Because of the northerners.’ I replied.
‘And why doesn’t it end?’
‘But is it because of the generals?’
‘Probably. After all, they ordered the soldiers to shoot me and they are the ones corrupt.’
‘Then why don’t you end it?’ the voice suggested.
‘I tried. I killed more than a hundred dragons to achieve that. It doesn’t work.’ I replied, angrily.
‘No, no. All you’ve done is to end the lives of the lower generals. Why not end the guy on the very top? The whole organization will fall down then.’
I froze. It was actually a good idea, though it was probably a suicide attempt to do so. I wouldn’t have to end every single dragons who are corrupt. If the head was down, then they would all fall down by themselves.
The car in front of me braked. Me, being drunk and distracted, braked at the last second possible. The car behind me honked in alarm. But I didn’t care. I just got a way to end the war.
I smiled, even though I knew it would not be easy. If I pull this off, we’d all be free of the war.
I drank another gulp from the can, and turned the jeep, headed to my old, broken down home.
I was going to need a plan, and I was going to do it alone.