I’m sorry for who ever is reading this.
I’m drunk right now.
I drank a bottle of watered vodka.It has over 16% of alcohol in it.
I don’t know how much I’m drunk.
I just tried to be a brother to my sister.
It didn’t work out right.
I broke my sister’s sim card. Cause she used the workd ‘찐따’
It’s basically a korean word for a loser.
I heard a lot of it. When I was bullied at middle school. To who who isn’t familiar with middle school, it means 13-15 years old. I was bullied at 13. Badly. It might not be as bad for some of you, but other people put porno pictures and sites in my locker, and they well… literally just bullied me. It’s not the kind you see in movies, but they didn’t talk to me, and they took my stuff without saying and made me a toy for themselves. Till this day, when I see them on the streets, they make fun of me. I always say to myself that they are not worthy of my attention, but I can’t deny that it still gets on my nerves.
Ok. It’s a few hours later, and I’m not drunk now.
Basically what happened was my sister used the loser word in korean, and I got mad, and I tried to swap her smart-phone into a flip-phone, and when I couldn’t control my anger, I just broke my sister’s sim card. And so my father raged, and we fought. Then the police came (My father called them when I was trying to harm myself with a kitchen knife and ate the whole week’s pills) and I got drunk, having a bottle of strong alcohol.
I’m sorry for whoever’s reading this, but this is my state right now. I’m a mess. A real mess. I go to mental hospitals, (aka therapy sessions) and eat pills to help my mental state. I have anger issues, and now, I’m starting to doubt myself. Because of anger issues, I smoke, drink, and break stuff. I even tore my award that I personally got from the principle in front of the whole school!
So, I’m a mess.
My life, so far, is a mess. I’m the oldest of the three kids in my family, and I can’t deny that it at times sucks and brings me a lot of stress.
Why am I always writing fantasy or reading fantasy?
Because I want to escape, and the fantasy world looks like a good escaping place to me.
I’m always tired, and always too serious. And I’m personally done with all this shit. But, if I joke, others won’t get it since I’m a horrible joker, and even though I work out now, (Kumdo) I’m still tired most of the time.
I smoke, and I smoke quite a lot. I just smoked half a pack today. Of course, it was a bad day, but still, that’s a lot of smoking I did.
I also drink a lot. I drink till I lose my mind.
So, yes. My life is a mess. And I only have a few exits, and one of them is writing, which is the reason I’m writing here. I’m sorry to whoever read this, but truely, I need somewhere to pour my feelings at. I’m tired of having them all to myself.
Hopefully I won’t feel like this soon. The kind police man told me that there must be a good thing coming down my path.
I really hope so.