I’m a mess right now.

I’m sorry for who ever is reading this.

I’m drunk right now.

I drank a bottle of watered vodka.It has over 16% of alcohol in it.

I don’t know how much I’m drunk.

I just tried to be a brother to my sister.

It didn’t work out right.

I broke my sister’s sim card. Cause she used the workd ‘찐따’

It’s basically a korean word for a loser.

I heard a lot of it. When I was bullied at middle school. To who who isn’t familiar with middle school, it means 13-15 years old. I was bullied at 13. Badly. It might not be as bad for some of you, but other people put porno pictures and sites in my locker, and they well… literally just bullied me. It’s not the kind you see in movies, but they didn’t talk to me, and they took my stuff without saying and made me a toy for themselves. Till this day, when I see them on the streets, they make fun of me. I always say to myself that they are not worthy of my attention, but I can’t deny that it still gets on my nerves.


Ok. It’s a few hours later, and I’m not drunk now.

Basically what happened was my sister used the loser word in korean, and I got mad, and I tried to swap her smart-phone into a flip-phone, and when I couldn’t control my anger, I just broke my sister’s sim card. And so my father raged, and we fought. Then the police came (My father called them when I was trying to harm myself with a kitchen knife and ate the whole week’s pills) and I got drunk, having a bottle of strong alcohol.

I’m sorry for whoever’s reading this, but this is my state right now. I’m a mess. A real mess. I go to mental hospitals, (aka therapy sessions) and eat pills to help my mental state. I have anger issues, and now, I’m starting to doubt myself. Because of anger issues, I smoke, drink, and break stuff. I even tore my award that I personally got from the principle in front of the whole school!

So, I’m a mess.

My life, so far, is a mess. I’m the oldest of the three kids in my family, and I can’t deny that it at times sucks and brings me a lot of stress.

Why am I always writing fantasy or reading fantasy?

Because I want to escape, and the fantasy world looks like a good escaping place to me.

I’m always tired, and always too serious. And I’m personally done with all this shit. But, if I joke, others won’t get it since I’m a horrible joker, and even though I work out now, (Kumdo) I’m still tired most of the time.

I smoke, and I smoke quite a lot. I just smoked half a pack today. Of course, it was a bad day, but still, that’s a lot of smoking I did.

I also drink a lot. I drink till I lose my mind.

So, yes. My life is a mess. And I only have a few exits, and one of them is writing, which is the reason I’m writing here. I’m sorry to whoever read this, but truely, I need somewhere to pour my feelings at. I’m tired of having them all to myself.

Hopefully I won’t feel like this soon. The kind police man told me that there must be a good thing coming down my path.

I really hope so.

Advertisements

Just Another Day at Work.

It was another day for Aitn. ‘Another boring day…’ Aitn thought as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Soon, he was on his way to work. He flew, heading for the building he worked in. On his way, he looked around, saw other dragons like him heading for work. He sighed, and continued heading for work. He hated work, but he had to work in order to keep the roof up. Thank gods he lived alone, else he would’ve had to work more. He looked up at the sky, and sighed. Dragons were supposed to be free. But he wasn’t. He wondered if he was ever going to be free. He landed in front of the building, folded his wings, and entered the building. He checked in via his key card, and entered his office. A few other workers were already there, starting the day by working at the office. They all looked so controlled, so stuck in a box. Not how a dragon should look like. But he knew that he looked like one as well. He sighed, and sat in his chair, and started the day’s work. God, he hated work.

########

It was noon. Aitn had barely done any work that he had to do for the day, but he was already tired. He went to the coffee machine and clicked on the Americano multiple times. Soon, coffee was ready, and he took the coffee mug back to his seat. He was hoping that today, he won’t have to work late, although looking back to what he’d accomplished in the morning, that seemed unlikely. But he was tired of having to work late all the time and return to his empty and cold home at 11 in the night. He had already complained to his boss multiple times, but his boss always said that there were always dragons who would work for him, and threatened to fire him. Sighing, Aitn sipped his coffee and returned back to work.

########

It was now evening. He had done most of his work, Thanks to the power of coffee and determination. He would work late, but maybe he would be able to go home earlier than 11 today. He really wished for a cold beer and some time for himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had time for himself, and he was beyond done with his work. His boss always scolded at his work and him, and he didn’t just scold at him. He shouted at him for his works, and other workers knew that as well. Some felt sorry for him, but mostly others made him a joke as well. But it was too late for him to get another job. He needed a steady income, and it wasn’t an easy thing to get if you’re already 30. Sure, dragons lived for hundreds of years, but they were also committed as well. Hence why he couldn’t change work. Dragons didn’t like it if others just changed work just because he didn’t like it. Aitn, sighing again, looked at the papers on his desk and proceeded to organize it all. He would go home early tonight.

########

It was near 9 when he was finished. Satisfied that he had finished earlier than normal, he sent his files to his boss and got up from his seat. But then a mail arrived to his email. Thinking that it couldn’t be bad, he opened up the mail and looked. Then he groaned. The mail was from his boss. He asked him to work some more, and sent some more files to organize to him. Groaning, he sat back in his seat. Then a thought crossed him. He wasn’t a slave. He didn’t sign up for all this bullshit work. And most of all, he didn’t want to work after he’d done all he had to do for the day. So he got back up, and headed towards his boss’s office. He was going to talk out of the work. Aitn knocked on the door of his boss’s office, and when he heard his boss telling him to come in, went in.

‘So, what brings you here? I think I told you to organize the files I sent you?’ His boss, White, said with demanding looks.

‘Umm… Boss. I don’t want to work more today. I’ve already done my responsibility, and I would like to go home early for once.’ Aitn said unsurely. He didn’t want his boss to be angry, but that was unavoidable, so he was hoping that his boss won’t be so angry. Unfortunately, that hope turned out to be nothing but false.

‘What? Did I hear that right? YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK? WHAT DO I PAY YOU FOR, THEN? QUIT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK! I HAVE DRAGONS WAITING IN LINE TO GET IN YOUR PLACE!’ his boss yelled.

Aitn cringed. Great. Now the whole building’s know that he was shouted at. More getting picked on. More looks from coworkers that he hated. And most of all, More work. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll go work right now.’ He said, and quickly got out of his boss’s office. His boss slammed the door behind him, and he could hear his boss swearing at him through the closed-door. Groaning, he went back to his seat, earning funny looks from his coworkers, and sat down, started to work again.

########

It was near 1 in the morning when he was finished. He was the last one left in the office. Even his boss had gone home, glaring at him as he went home. Aitn sent the finished files to his boss’s email, and got up from his seat. He nodded at the night guard, and flew towards his home. On his way, he looked at the sky, wishing he’d be flying wherever he wished. The sky was where he belonged, with the freedom. Not the crappy little office with the shoutings he got. He sighed, and proceeded towards his home.

########

It was the next day. Aitn was heading towards the office once more, sighing. He hadn’t got much sleep yesterday, having returned from home late. He was tired, and he was done with all the crap he had to deal throughout the day. All the pickings from his coworkers, all the shoutings from his boss, all the work… But he had no choice. Not if he wanted to keep the roof on him. Sighing, he checked in, sat, and started to work again. It wasn’t long before White called him, though.

Once he had gone into his boss’s office expecting the worst, he was immediately met with a face full of papers thrown at him. ‘YOU CALL THIS ORGANIZING? A BEGGER IN THE STREETS WOULD BE BETTER THAN YOU! WHY DO YOU EVEN WORK HERE? JUST GO KILL YOURSELF! YOU AREN’T EVEN WORTH ANYTHING!’ His boss yelled at him. Aitn felt his anger bubble up, but pushed it down. He’d gone through all the crap till now, and he wasn’t about to change that. But his boss didn’t stop there. He ordered Aitn to gather up all the papers he’d thrown, and when he did and passed it over to him again, threw it at him once more. Aitn felt his anger bubble up hotter, but suppressed it again. This had to be it, right? But no. It didn’t stop there. His boss grabbed his cup of coffee from his desk, and threw the liquid at his face. Aitn was drenched in a second. He felt his anger bubble up once more. He tried to suppress it again. But then a thought crossed his mind. Dragons were supposed to be free, and he wanted freedom everyday. Why would he chain himself to this office? Why would he have to sustain all this hatred? Why? So he let the anger surface. He instantly grabbed his boss’s face and slammed him against the door’s window. The window shattered in pieces, and his boss, no, White, froze in shock with blood trickling down his face. Then White recovered from his shock and said ‘Consider yourself fi…’ but didn’t get to finish his sentence, as his head met with his own computer this time. Then his stomach met Aitn’s foot, and White was then a crumpled heap of scales and blood in the corner of his room. Still angry from all the unreasonable beatings he took, Aitn beat White a few more times, then angrily, stomped out of White’s office.

He was going to leave. Fuck whoever who judges him. He wasn’t going to live hundreds of years with all the bullshit he’s faced for the last 5 years.

He picked up his laptop and phone, and on second thought, picked up his computer’s monitor. Just before he left, he threw the heavy moniter at the slowly recovering form of White, and stormed out of the building.

He headed straight for home, and packed up his stuff. He was going to leave. He was going to leave for the sky. Where he belonged.

########

-5 years later –

Aitn was flying. He got a new job. He was now a post office worker. He delivered special deliveries and urgent mails. He now loved his life. He was free, and he didn’t have to work till late in the night. He got a decent pay, though lower than what he got, enough for him to keep the roof up. He had a happy life. And it was going to stay that way.


Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed it, please like, follow and share!

Also, I just started Patreon. Become a supporter if you want! (https://www.patreon.com/blueember517)